


Dreams of Unforgiveness

by orphan_account



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Lots of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6060808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorne can't shake one certain nightmare no matter how much he knows it's just a dream. He tries to shake it off, but everything catches up at some point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams of Unforgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by my fantabulous friend Rowan. 
> 
> I've had this idea for a while and I finally got it down on paper. Slightly OOC, I think. So watch out.
> 
> Also, please read this part!!  
> I'm looking for a temporary beta who has read all of the Lunar Chronicles books to beta a multi-chapter story for me until my permanent beta reads all the books. If you're interested, please shoot me a message!
> 
> Enjoy!

The gleaming of a knife. Screams of carnage and terror echoing off the palace walls. No one was safe from the harrowing manipulations courtesy of the Lunar court.

He was still in his body, yet he had no control over it. He could have convinced himself he wasn’t being manipulated, as the movement of his limbs were not clunky and awkward like when he was being manipulated by Cinder, but swift and customary, almost natural. 

The only reason he could tell that he was actually being toyed with was simple. He would never attack an ally, especially not when he didn’t have to and when it was someone who was so dear and important to him.

He tried, God knows he tried as hard as he could to restrain himself from lifting the shimmering weapon, one that looked so delicate and fragile but held so much power and competence over everything.

He groaned with the effort. His manipulator was too strong. He knew it was hopeless, that his inevitable fate would come due soon and he would plunge his knife into his ally’s delicate skin. 

His resistance didn’t last long at all. He cursed himself, as an Earthen, for being so weak-minded and futile towards manipulation. With sadness and pain, his traitorous hand thrusted the knife into her stomach.

The horror and agony etched into her eyes were the last thing he saw before everything went black.

\+ +

With a soft gasp, Carswell jolted up in his bed. He could feel the sweat trickling down his forehead, his breathing delayed and his heart pounding painfully in his chest. He knew it was a dream. Every single time he had it, he knew. Knowing doesn’t make it any less painful.

Scrunching up his face in sorrow, he dragged his hand across his forehead, taking the irritating perspiration with it. He knew he was going to have nightmares from that day, but at the time, he had no idea the toll it was really going to take on him. He expected something bad, but this… this was like reliving the exact moment it happened over and over again, unrelenting. There was no way out even if he knew it was just his mind attacking him for being too weak to resist the manipulation.

Deep in his mind, he did know he was being unreasonable; manipulations are next to impossible to withstand, especially for an Earthen like him.

Which made it all the more degrading. 

Tugging at his unruly hair, he let out a sound of frustration, dropping back down onto the bed. He couldn’t bother anyone with this, especially not Cress. Though Kai was a good, scratch that, great friend of his, the emperor had more pressing matters to deal with than a series of nightmares Thorne couldn’t man himself through. 

Cinder was a good listener, but instead of working with his feelings, she would try to find a logical reason to fix him. Or she would just tell him to suck it up. Either one was an option, depending on her mood. She definitely didn’t have anyone to tell her feelings to when she was growing up, so why should everyone’s problems be dropped on her shoulders? She’s been through enough.

Scarlet, Winter and Jacin were basically off the table for him, as he hadn’t really formed a bond with any of them during their time together. Though Jacin was closer on the table than the other two, he definitely did not seem like one who would actually listen to someone spouting their problems, let alone give good advice on how to deal with it.

And Wolf… Well, though they were on good terms, and Thorne knew he had a soft side, it just seemed heartless to shove his problems upon him. The poor guy had been through a lot, and he really didn’t need anything to rain on his parade, especially when there was word amongst the guys that he was planning on proposing to Scarlet soon.

What was he even thinking? He couldn’t tell anyone about this. Why would a man like him have to go and bitch his problems? He was Captain Carswell Freaking Thorne. He had to take this like a man. Like his father had told him when he was young: he had to smile and pretend like everything was okay until the end of the week, and when next week came, do it again. Keep doing that until it comes easy and you don’t have to pretend anymore.

And that’s exactly what he did.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

He had barely slept a wink all night. He had fallen asleep for what had felt like a few hours but had been mere minutes. He felt refreshed for the tiniest of seconds before he got out of his bunk and his world was spinning, his head hammering. He pressed a hasty hand to his forehead, stifling a groan of pain as he stumbled into a sitting position on his bed. Today was not going to be a great day.

Thorne sat there for a minute, waiting for the dizziness to subside. When he deemed himself acceptable to move, he slowly got up, using the pole that connected the lower bunk to the higher bunk for leverage, sighing of relief when he wasn’t snuck up on by the close cousin of dizziness, headache.

Thankful that he didn’t even bother to change last night, the captain busied himself with brewing some coffee. As he waited, he skillfully snuck into the washroom to check his appearance. He was hoping that he wouldn’t look too sullen or exhausted, as much as he felt it.

It was better than it looked in the mirror, surely. It couldn’t possibly be that bad.

Carswell gaped at his slightly paler face, the change in colour just adding to the effect of the dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t think that one night of not sleeping would do this to him. He had gone longer without sleeping during the Lunar war and while he was in the military.

 _“Think rationally,”_ he scolded himself. Since everything was at such a low key, obviously a change in his sleep time would affect his appearance. During the war and skirmishes he took place in, his adrenaline was always pumping, telling himself that _anyone could attack at any time_ or that _the fighting was never over._

“I could _definitely_ use some coffee right about now,” he muttered, silently walking back into the galley and taking the finished pot of coffee out of the machine. Pouring it into his custom “Captain is King” mug. He sighed contentedly as he sank into his seat, basking in the silence that could easily put him back to sleep if he wasn’t upright.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

It was a while before he heard rummaging in the back, indicating that Cress had awoken. Checking the clock, he found that it had been just a little over an hour as the small hand ticked past the cursive seven. The clock had been said girl’s idea, who just so happened to be half asleep as she shuffled out of her bunk. Thorne was almost jealous.

“Why are you up so…” she was cut of by a huge yawn that stretched all across her face, her eyes twisted shut and her nose crinkling. He couldn’t help but smile. It was adorable.

As her yawn subdued, she finished her sentence with an anti-climactic, “early?”

Thorne chuckled. He couldn’t help but press a short kiss to her lips. “I dunno. I just kind of… did.” He hid his lie by turning his back on Cress, pretending to fiddle with the air duct that kept rattling.

Thankfully, Cress shrugged it off. Maybe the coffee really did improve what he had looked like earlier this morning, because if she had found any sign of distress or strain on his face, even just a little, she would have undoubtedly questioned it. 

“We have some runs to make today, one for an outbreak in southern Canada and one in Africa,” Thorne mentioned, breaking the silence. Cress nodded solemnly, seemingly too caught up in her portscreen to pay attention. Once he thought that she had definitely not heard, Carswell was surprised when he heard her say, “Let’s get started then.”

With a satisfied grunt, he tapped some commands into the control panel of the Rampion, sending them in what he could have almost described as careening to the right if it was any more violent. 

They sailed across the Atlantic ocean, only higher than a boat would. In this time, Cress had eaten, changed, and done all of her morning duties. Thorne was amazed with the record time it took her to do everything. Usually she took up most of the hot water during her hour long showers, but only seemed to have taken no more than twenty minutes. He was impressed. Though, if he was in her position, he wouldn’t want to be lounging around in his pajamas while he distributed the antidote, as tempting as it sounded.

They reached Africa in what could be no more than a half hour. Though big, the Rampion could fly across the world in record time. Thorne felt a swell of pride. He had been right, the Rampion was the best ship he could ever ask for.

They finished their rounds by 8:00.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Thorne yawned as he trudged out of the ship’s miniscule shower room, his arms reaching up over his head. Cress giggled. “Why so tired?” she asked, an airy tone to her voice.

“Dunno,” he replied weakly. He felt so light headed that he couldn’t even think of a proper answer. Cress eyed him suspiciously. She definitely wasn’t falling for it this time.

“That was believable,” she drawled sarcastically, feigning an amused snort.

Thorne stayed quiet, knowing that her eyes were currently burning holes in the back of his head. He could practically feel them. It wouldn’t be long until she questioned further, and in that time, he tried to come up with the best excuse possible, even if it stretched the truth.

“Now, are you going to tell me the truth?” Cress asked. He could still hear the shy tone in her voice that she swore up and down was gone, but she couldn’t fool him.

He stayed quiet for a few seconds. Breathing in, he forced -what he hoped looked like a realistic smile, turning around and chuckling. “The truth? There’s nothin’ to it, Cress. I just didn’t sleep that well. Damn turbulence kept me up half the night. It’s really not fun when you don’t fall asleep before it.” 

“Really? The turbulence?” Cress asked suspiciously. “That never keeps you up. You always say that it doesn’t bother you.”

 _Shit._ He wasn’t thinking. Now Cress was definitely on to him. He sighed. “I don’t know, Cress, I’m just tired, okay?” Dragging his hands through his hair, he turned on his heels and headed to his bunk without another word. He hated lying to her and God forbid being mean to her, but he couldn’t tell Cress what has really been happening. Nonetheless, he couldn’t look back at her while he left. The look on her face would definitely make Thorne spout the truth in no time and both of them knew it.  
Man, he was really more tired than he thought he was, which was impressive because he knew he was pretty damn exhausted. He could fall asleep now.

When he laid down on his bed, lights off, warmth swaddling him, he did.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Sreaming. Begging. Crying.

Blood. Iron. Terror.

With a whimper, Thorne jolted back into the real world once again. Sighing, his face contorted into self-pity. He slapped his hands over his eyes, immediately getting up and tromping to the washroom. He hadn’t even thought about Cress, who was currently sleeping in the room beside his, and how she was an extremely light sleeper. 

He stopped in the doorway, quietly piquing his ears for a sound from her room. A shuffle. He swore.

With a resigned sigh, Thorne leaned on the sink for support. When he heard footsteps stop at the doorway, he met Cress’ eyes through the mirror. He softened at the distress in her eyes. Was he lucky to have a girlfriend who cared this much about him. He never gave it much thought, but it was true. Cress was perfect.

“I knew there was more rhyme to the reason,” she sighed, her eyebrows creasing in sympathy. She scooted closer to him, placing her arms around his back and pulling him closer. After a few seconds, she tilted her head up to look at him. When he looked down, their noses were nearly touching. “Now, tell me what’s wrong. No lying.”

A smile graced his face. It was the first genuine one in weeks. “No lying.”

With a satisfied tilt of the head, Cress led him back to his room, sitting him down on his bed. She sat down beside him. Thorne didn’t know she wanted him to talk until he looked over at her and saw her looking expectantly at him, a small smile across her lips. He knew it was an indication that it was alright to tell her. And he believed it.

“W-Well,” he began, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. “You know how I told you, right after you came out of the suspension tank on Luna, that I would have nightmares about… about stabbing you for the rest of my life?”

Her gaze shifted guiltily. “I do,” she answered quietly, biting her lip.

“That’s exactly what’s happening.”

Telling her that was exactly like shoving the knife right back in. He knew he shouldn’t of told her, he knew it-

All of his thoughts cut off when he felt her head on his shoulder. It made him automatically loosen up. He hadn’t realized how tense his muscles had been until now.

Situating himself, he placed his arm over her shoulder and tilted down into a laying position, bringing her down with him. It was more comfortable than he supposed it looked.

“I wish you would stop worrying about me. It would make your life much easier,” Cress whispered. It was so quiet that he could have mistaken it for the air if she wasn’t so close.

For some unknown reason, Thorne smiled. “Don’t say that. I can’t not worry about you, Cress. Aces, not worrying about you is like not thinking about an elephant that’s standing on your chest. It’s impossible.”

There was a long pause before Cress mumbled, “No more nightmares.”

“No more nightmares,” Thorne responded.

And he meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to you if you can find the Supernatural and Carry On references. ;p


End file.
